In early 2019, I noticed a recurring theme in communications with other real estate agents: It became increasingly difficult to get them on the phone to negotiate. Initially, I believed that agents were simply busy and preferred the convenience of texting or emailing. I thought it might be a generational issue with younger agents who preferred texting to verbal communications. 但这个问题变得更加明显，而且不仅仅是在年轻或较新的代理商身上.
It became increasingly clear that the agents who had entered real estate during the long stretch of record sales in Texas rarely had to negotiate to close a deal. 基本上，很多人不知道该说什么或怎么说.
How Not to Approach Negotiations
As luck would have it, I attended a real estate negotiations class where the problem became apparent. 老师以陈述开始上课, “I don’t believe in empathy, 它在商业谈判或沟通中没有地位.”
I couldn’t disagree more. 我非常相信同理心是关键的谈判技巧——在2021十大正规彩票app和生活中.
Prior to my career in real estate, I spent many years as an emergency services dispatcher. 在那个职位上，我逐渐意识到移情驱动沟通的必要性. I also witnessed firsthand how empathy could be the best tool for defusing situations and managing emotions.
上完2021十大正规彩票app谈判课几周后, I was speaking with one of our top-selling agents—a former police officer—who remarked that he believed that his ability to convey empathy and his ability to negotiate effectively were his biggest advantages in real estate, as they were in policing.
Getting Both Sides What They Want
许多经纪人将2021十大正规彩票app谈判视为一个对抗的过程. It is not. In fact, it is a partnership built on the desire of both agents to get their clients what they want most. There’s nothing to be gained by approaching real estate negotiations as though the other side is the enemy. In fact, we better serve the interests of our clients by using any and all effective skills to further the interest of our clients.
Real estate negotiations may not be as critical as those involved in hostage negotiations, where lives quite literally are on the line. But those same strategies may easily be tailored to the world of real estate negotiations.
与我上课时的老师形成对比, 我相信最重要的谈判工具是同理心——更具体地说, tactical empathy, as described in Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss. Voss, 已退休的联邦调查局首席国际人质谈判代表, states: “Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so you increase your influence in the moments that follow.”
Don’t Invalidate Emotions
Many classes on business negotiations teach that emotion must be neutralized and removed from negotiations. 这种做法的问题在于，2021十大正规彩票app往往是一种情感交易. 人是情感生物，受情感欲望和基本需求的驱动. 出售一个拥有一生经历的房子可能很困难. 买一套你打算养家糊口的房子可能会让你不知所措.
Instead of trying to invalidate and ignore the emotional factors of the parties involved, 承认这些情绪可以更好地为谈判过程服务. Using what’s known as the LEAPS tools from conflict resolution training can be helpful when managing the emotions of a transaction. LEAPS stands for:
L倾听——用你所有的感官和注意力去倾听.
E同情——真正理解他人的立场.
Ask to clarify – Ensure a clear understanding.
P复述——重申你的理解和清晰.
Summarize – Focus and prioritize.
这些行动将建立一种信任和理解的关系. 信任程度越高，谈判越容易顺利进行. Trust helps remove the adversarial part of the process by allowing the other party to identify and relate to you with the same values, motives, and intentions.
By listening, we gain a much better understanding of what’s most important to the other parties involved. 记住，在每一笔2021十大正规彩票app交易中至少有四个人参与. 买卖双方都有2021十大正规彩票app经纪人, 双方都可能有配偶或其他重要的人投入或影响. 有时候，对方的情绪会成为一个问题.
Understanding what motivates the other parties involved can make all the difference in managing effective negotiations.
When you think about it, 你会意识到2021十大正规彩票app交易很少是敌对关系. We all are working on behalf of our buyers or sellers and trying to get them what they want in the best possible way. 在与人打交道时，我们都有一些共同之处. Negotiations will be much more productive if you honor a few universal truths as discussed in Never Split The Difference 另一本书有很好的经验，可以应用于谈判， Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins. 这些真理围绕着尊重他人展开, 向他人提供解释和选择，而不是要求或威胁, and giving people second chances.
如何在成功的谈判中运用战术同理心
下面列出的所有步骤都包含一个关键要素:战术同理心. 通过直接表达对方的立场, recognizing hidden biases, and understanding others’ perspectives, 作为一名谈判者，你将真正获得竞争优势.
- Listening is your most important skill 奇怪的是，这是最难掌握的技能，也是最容易被忽视的. The ability to simply stop talking and allow silence to occur without interjecting is huge.
- Mirroring – Mirroring can be an effective tool in building a good rapport and gaining trust with the other party. It’s basically a form of imitation. By simply matching the speech tempo, tone, and word choices of the other party, 那个人开始信任你，相信你理解他们.
Here are five easy steps to mirroring:- Use a calm voice.
- Begin with saying sorry.
- 重复对方说的最后三四个字.
- Stay silent, listen, and wait for a response.
- Repeat the four steps above.
- Rephrasing and labeling -释义重申对方的立场. Labeling identifies that person’s emotions.
Using labeling phrases such as “it seems like” and “it sounds like” not only demonstrate that you are listening but also puts the focus on the other side and encourages them to reveal more. - Use open-ended questions (getting to How) -通过使用开放式问题，你建立了一个解决问题的伙伴关系. That puts you in the How phase, employing the assistance of the other agent to find a solution.
Two Responses That Can Be Better Than Yes
许多商务谈判书籍都侧重于说“是”. 在现实中，听到“是”比听到“是”要好得多. That’s right is confirmation that the other party has actively listened and conveyed empathy.
得到一个“不”的回答通常比得到一个“是”更有效. Often the word no is a temporary tool that allows one party to feel as though they are gaining control. “不”这个词可以是一个很好的开始对话的地方. Don’t be afraid to hear the word no.
Good communication and negotiation skills should not be limited to your interactions with clients and customers. Maintaining good relationships with other agents, title companies, and lenders will also benefit your clients. Be pleasant, professional, and kind. It’s much easier to get things done on behalf of your client by asking in a manner that makes people want to help. Kindness is not overrated, and can go a long way towards building lasting professional relationships.